NOTHING TO SAY

Um – “Nothing to say!”

I am going to let you in a little secret. Before I do, why do we use a term like “a little or big secret?” A secret is something not known or meant to be known by others. Whether it is classified as little or big is not relevant. Having gotten that off my chest, here is the secret. When I say, “I have nothing to say,” it is usually less than true. Not uttering them does not mean I am being piously silent to appear wise.

What is true? I have a lot to say, or I am too exhausted with the discussion for words or what I want to say would be inappropriate or I am too lazy to think deeply about whatever. “Nothing to say,” is my safety net, my smoke screen, my diversion. Don’t judge.

I usually find myself in the “nothing to say” place with people that I care about…where what I say and how it is said, matters. Golden silence is not the best option. A response is required. “Nothing to say” gets me off the hot seat for a moment, giving me time to think or escape. If you are married, you may have uttered these words when discussing a situation involving your spouse’s family. My other response at these junctures is, “I don’t know what to say.” This one is a bit more problematic as the other party usually comes back with a barrage of words to provide additional information so I will know what to say.

My smoke screen/diversion tactic is not the more excellent way. Just in case you are unfamiliar with the term smoke screen, in this context it is a verbal covering up of information. So, how well does it work? “Nothing to say,” conceals my real thoughts. If I really have something to say and do not, do I not mislead the other party?

Why have I spent time thinking and writing about this small three-word phrase? While I don’t believe that I have the right to say everything I think, I do believe strong and enduring relationships are built on being able to trust that truth will be spoken in love. When spoken, the hearer has the freedom to be unsettled by the truth. I believe that the speaker should respect the hearer’s need to process the information. “Nothing to say,” is a potential kill switch to this flow. This has been a growing place for me.

While “nothing to say” may seem an efficient way to circumvent potential conflict, it does little to strengthen the muscles of a relationship. In my opinion “nothing to say” is only okay when one is speechless – something that I would know little about.

Colossians 4:6

PONDER THIS THOUGHT---Silence is not always golden.