FATHER
- Gwen Henderson
- 11 hours ago
- 2 min read
FATHER
Remember I am on a quest to become unencumbered in 2026, and help comes from unusual places.
What did you sincerely learn from your father? This was the writing prompt from a book that I have used to learn to be a better writer since April,2025. Each day the instructions following the prompt are “Go. Ten minutes.”
I experienced a moment of panic because I didn’t want to squander any of the ten minutes trying to think of a profound and elaborate story to recount. True confession – I am a bit envious of friends who recount experiences shared with their fathers and how these experiences inform who they are as adults. The prompt struck a nerve because I didn’t have those kinds of defining memories or so I thought.
Nonetheless, I swallowed my panic and placed pen to paper and began to write. I started with this sentence, “Engagement is a prerequisite for learning.”
My father, a man of very few words, was not the verbally engaging kind. He was raised to believe, provide for your family – end of story. Verbal engagement, play, or anything else (he was a farmer) that distracted from work, reading the newspaper and resting were not his strong suit.
As I gathered writing momentum, my brain said, “words are not the only form of engagement.” What did you witness your father doing that tutored you? At this point ten minutes had expired. I stopped writing but the question stayed with me.
I wrestled with finding an answer to “what did I learn from observing my father for eighteen years?” and accepted that parents do the best they can with the knowledge they have that has been shaped by their life experiences. The story is told that my father’s father left him and his brother when they were six and four years old respectively and never returned. My grandmother remarried and had more children. What if my father felt abandoned? What role might abandonment play in his communication style? I don’t have a single accessible memory of a father-daughter conversation, but I don’t ever remember him not being physically present either. I never felt abandoned. I don’t have a memory of an outward expression of love and affection, but I have always felt cared for. Do I have memories of fishing or hunting or any recreational activity with him? No, but I was taught to drive a red tractor and a stick shift truck. The family’s survival depended on what the farm produced – everybody worked but I never missed a single day of school to harvest or plant.
So, what did I specifically learn from my daddy? Presence is a choice. Love doesn’t have to be loud or even spoken – it is a practice. Support what you value in the manner that works best for you.
What did I learn from this writing assignment? Look and you shall find it.
How does this support the quest to become unencumbered? Perhaps I am defining and unloading daddy issues that I didn’t know I had.
PONDER THIS THOUGHT---Every experience adds value to one’s life.
This was great
Gwen, our fathers' expereinces are similar. My father was raised by his grandmother. His father left him and a at point, so did his mother. My father went searching for his father in the late 60' and they reconnected as if nothing happened. I was always wondering how that effected who he was. Like you, I never felt that impacted how he cared or loved me. Thank you for sharing! Amy