SITTING TO BECOME

SITTING TO BECOME

“The more you sit the more you become who you are. “Rumi

This quote was instructional to the forty-day journey of rising thirty minutes earlier for introspection that I wrote about in a blog published earlier this year and continues to be as I explore and expose me.

Apparently, I am at times not very self-aware. When I act surprised by what others tell me about me, my husband (biggest cheerleader and critic) jokingly (I hope) says, “Go on and live in your delusional world.” There is some truth to this, especially around phrases that I tend to use frequently.

Two plus years ago, the next-door neighbor gifted me with a pink and white sign with the word “WHATEVER “written on it. Last year his ten-year-old daughter gave me a card and the words “you have got to be kidding me “were a part of the card’s message. To both at the time of presentation, I said, “I don’t say that all the time.” The response was unanimous from all present, “Yes, you do.”

Why is “WHATEVER” so a part of my conversations? It is so prevalent that it was printed on aprons for a birthday celebration cooking class. I have been thinking about the answer.

Here’s what my deciphering produced. “Whatever” on the surface signifies that the conversation has reached the finished line. I am not changing my mind nor am I going to engage in additional conversation to try to change yours, so my exit phrase is “whatever.” On a deeper level, I recognize my powerlessness. I cannot control what is happening or what is being said. Rather than the continuation of the pursuit of what I have no control over, I release the situation to a “whatever… let whatever is happening go on happening.

You might see this as a sign of surrender, and I would agree with you. You might think of surrender as negative; I would disagree. I have other words to express the sentiment of “whatever.” One of my favorites is “Okay – now” said with a tone of resignation. There is a facial expression that also comes through at times that says “whatever.”  It is this facial expression that prompted a friend upon hearing that I was about to embark upon an adventure with people who didn’t know me well to say, “get some sweet pills for your face.”

What’s the point of this expose’ on me? I help the world by knowing me – not just knowing me but having that knowledge confirmed by others -the positive and the negative. Knowing me helps me be kinder and gentler with others. The adventure with the people who didn’t know me very well went much smoother because I took the “sweet pills.”  This knowing came from sitting with me. Perhaps by reading my insight into me, you might want to understand and know yourself better. This I know to be true, the more I sit, the more I become who I am meant to be.

2 Cor. 13:5

PONDER THIS THOUGHT---“In knowing who I am, writing it down (verbalizing it), I help the world by giving it understanding.”  Unknown