SECOND THURSDAY

SECOND THURSDAY

I went to bed Wednesday evening, mentally prepared for the next day – the second Thursday of the “C” diagnosis. Without much preamble, my normal sleep arrived. And then I wasn’t sleep anymore. The potential thoughts of loss and difficulties to be faced rained on me like the thundering waters of Victoria Falls. For hours, I struggled to control my thoughts, my shallow breathing, and to raise my heart and head above waters of fear and anxiety. Not once during the struggle did, I recall the mantra recited most mornings in our home before we tackle the day… “We are optimistic.” I had slipped into a place of darkness darker than the darkness of the bedroom.

Following our morning statement of optimism there are other affirmations. We are positive. We believe we are to encourage and support each other and others. We believe in our potential and in our strengths. We acknowledge our weaknesses and affirm God’s power to make us strong. We strive for generosity to be our trademark. We believe we can actively manage our health. We believe that everything we do should begin with listening. We believe love is never theoretical but is a practice. We believe we happen to our day not our day happen to us. In the wee morning hours, of the second Thursday, the twins, anxiety, and fear robbed me of my core beliefs.

After a couple of hours of turning from my back to my side to my stomach repeatedly, I stopped denying what I was experiencing. The thoughts couldn’t be undone. I acknowledged my limitations and accepted that I was paying for a purchase yet to be made. I uttered the greatest one-word prayer of all times, “Help!” and remembered parts of the mantra. It must have worked.

I practiced that night the way battles are won. 1) I Acknowledged the realness of my feelings. 2) I Named my fear and anxiety. 3) I remembered my morning ritual, a tool at my disposal. 4) I chose to actively pursue the positive rather than passively let the negative drown me.

I awoke from a sound sleep at the usual time. Thursday dawned with the same potential of what could happen. I, however, was released to the more comfortable posture of expecting blessings from whatever the temporary challenges of the day might bring.

You see, challenges are almost always temporary. Their lessons and blessings, however, last a lifetime. This is a truth that I can build my life on.

*On Thursday, October 19, after meeting with the urologist to discuss the prostate biopsy and treatment plan, our energy to be positive and optimistic was renewed.

Joshua 1:9

PONDER THIS THOUGHT---Fear + Anxiety + Pain = Wisdom, Courage, and strength.