AM I SORRY?

AM I SORRY?

I believe we use the phrase, “I am sorry” too much. Why? Every time I (we) speak those three words, am I truly sorry for my actions, do they adequately capture my feelings, or have they become a catch all phrase?

I started struggling with this language during a prolonged period of grief. People would say, “I am sorry.” “Thank you,” was my response, while I was thinking, “why are you feeling sorry? There is nothing you have done or could do to prevent my current reality.” And then someone said, “I hate that you are having to go through this.” That approach resonated with me. Hate and sorry are two very different words and I quickly adopted that verbiage as my own. “I hate that…”  versus “I am sorry” more clearly identifies what one may be feeling. Here is why.

Language is necessary and at the same time often inadequate for accurately expressing what is happening between the head and the heart. When faced with a dilemma around word choices “Hey Siri or Alexa have become my “go to.” Sorry is defined as feeling regret or penitence or feeling distress especially through sympathy with someone else’s misfortune. Through the lens of this definition – I am sorry doesn’t feel right for me most of the time.

This line of thinking sparked a memory of a conversation I had where this was applicable. Another person informed me that their feelings were hurt in a group conversation. My immediate response was, “I am sorry.”  Upon reflection of the group conversation, I concluded that I had not said anything intentionally to hurt the other’s feelings. The other party was entitled to feel what they felt – I had a right to say what had been expressed during the original conversation. I felt neither regret nor penitence nor was there any resulting misfortune. “I hate that you felt hurt. I would never intentionally hurt you,” would have been a more fitting description of what I wanted to say.

Saying, “I am sorry,” is certainly appropriate when I have made a mistake and feel that the mistake affected the other’s experience and that the relationship needs restoration. Most of my “I am sorry” do not pass this litmus test.

How does this discourse affect the personal context of daily life? Life is too short for hurt  feelings, but feelings are real and simultaneously unreliable. Life is also too short to address interactions with less than sincere words. Words matter. Accuracy of words matter. Act and speak appropriately and have the courage to know and when to use other expressions that are more descriptive.

I am sorry when I bump into you or step on your toe. I am not sorry when my intentions are intentional or unintentional misunderstood and the other ends up “feeling some kind of way.” I hate that’s what the other experienced.

ROMANS 14:19

PONDER THIS THOUGHT---Recognizing the validity of another’s viewpoint doesn’t negate the validity of yours.

AM I SORRY? SOMETIMES