T AND T RELATIONSHIPS

I am fortunate enough to have close friends that love to celebrate themselves and others, especially birthdays. One friend spends time and energy each year coming up with a thoughtful theme for his birthday. This year’s theme was “Celebrating transformative versus transactional relationships.” At the Fish Fry themed celebration, he took time to explain to the attendees that we were his transformational friends. Those with whom he shared a transactional relationship were not invited to his party. He went on to say his transactional relationships were neither bad nor unfulfilling and in fact he embraced them fully for what they are. However, he also said he recognized his transformative relationships are life sustaining, joy producing and promoted his health, his wholeness, and his balance.

My friend’s birthday is in the spring of the year. I have been thinking about transformative versus transactional relationships since. What I have decided is this: transformative relationships enhance the life of each party in some way without regard to the cost to either. They empower. Transactional relationships typically involve the transfer of goods or services. There can be a slightly negative vibe about this type of relationship because they are about “what have you done for me lately.” If by chance one or the other feels empowered, it is a bonus. And “yes” transformative relationships can be transactional at times but foundationally they are transformative and life giving.

Why did this thought resonate with me? As I mature, a simple truth has taken root in my consciousness, a good life is not accidental but intentional. I spent a lot of my life living accidentally and am now trying to autocorrect. Knowing the foundational construct of a relationship helps me to understand how to maintain and support it. An awareness that a relationship maybe of some value but doesn’t do much for my core, my center, helps me be intentional about how I cultivate it.

One of the “Ah Ha” moments around this premise has been about time. Transactional relationships are much more likely to be self-limiting. When neither party has anything deemed worthy of transferring, there is a gradual dissolution of the commitment. Transformative relationships have longevity written in bold letters all over them.

To that end, I have spent time dissecting some my relationships with family and friends. I must say that the transformative vs transactional lens is helping me to be a better property owner of the space in my head. Ultimately, I have been able to prioritize relationships that empower me to be the person that I want to be.

Proverbs 27:17

PONDER THIS THOUGHT--- Transactional relationships are based upon getting. Transformative relationships are based upon giving.